Total Drama Season 7: Revenge of the Film Set
by Super Duper Lame O
Summary: A 100% accurate representation of what the seventh season of Total Drama would be like. Fourteen contestants return to the film set from Total Drama Action for another shot at the million dollars. Enjoy!
1. The Beginning

**A/N: I have tailored this story to be as close to the Total Drama series as possible. I am 100% certain that if Total Drama is greenlit for a seventh season, this would be the result.**

**This season does not have the shortened theme song that was used in All-Stars and Pahkitew Island. Instead, they just display the title card for 3 seconds. Also, this season is 13 episodes, but Fresh TV decided to cut the episode length down to 11 minutes for... reasons...**

* * *

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 1: The Beginning of the Most Painful, Brutal, Baddest and Hilarious and Dramatic Season Ever!**

* * *

Chris MacLean jumped in front of the camera on a movie set. "Welcome to season seven of Total Drama, everybody! This season we're bringing back fourteen of your _favorite _contestants ever, and this time we're back at the abandoned movie set from season two! Yep, no new locations, we're just rehashing... I mean... _reusing _one of your favorite locations! So, let's welcome our contestants!"

A helicopter hovered a hundred feet above Chris. Duncan was shoved out of the helicopter, falling until he landed hard on the concrete with his legs split. He cried out in pain and grabbed his crotch.

Chris pointed at him and laughed. "Haha, you fell on your testicles! That's hilarious!"

Then Owen fell on top of Duncan and farted really loud, followed by splattering noises. "Whoops, I don't think that was an actual fart..." Then he jumped into the air, his pants making squishy noises as he cheered. "Woo-hooo! It's great to be back Chris!"

"Yep, great to slice you once again... I mean mince you... I mean mangle... uh... hello, Owen!" Chris said.

Courtney landed next to them, smacking the concrete so hard that she lost a tooth. "OW! You'll be hearing from my lawyers!"

Max landed on top of Courtney, then Dave on top of Max. "Revenge!" Max shouted.

"Why did you do this to me?" Dave said. "I'm a nice guy! You shouldn't throw nice guys out of planes, Chris. And also, there's germs here!" He looked around after Max and Courtney shoved him off. "Also, where's Sky? I want to attempt to murder her again!"

"You didn't bring the backstabbing boyfriend stealer back, did you?" Courtney said.

"Um, you were all in the same helicopter," Chris said. "Anyway, next we have-"

Owen farted and laughed. And then he farted again, but wet, gooey noises filled the air. "I'm gonna need new pants," Owen said. "Because I farted." He laughed. "Farts sure are funny!" Then he farted again. "Okay, seriously, though, I'm pretty sure I'm also pooping in my pants. Poop is funny! Haha."

Then Sugar landed on Owen's shoulders. "Did you see me posing while I fell? I'm a natural pageant queen!" She sniffed the air and laughed. "Ooh, looks like someone had to much cabbage. Was it you, big guy?"

Owen struggled to hold Sugar on his shoulders. His face was growing red. "Erp... yeah..."

She slid off of Owen and farted herself. "My oh my, farting sure is funny!"

"Yes it is!" Owen said.

Owen and Sugar exchanged farts for a full minute before Chris continued. "Ah, this is a season the fans are just going to _love_. Yep, we're bringing the _funniest _characters back, just for you, Total Drama fans! Which reminds me, here's Scott!"

Scott landed on his crotch like Duncan. He cried like a baby while Chris laughed. "Well, at least Fang isn't here."

Then Fang landed on top of Scott, picked him up with his mouth, and ran off.

"Ha, good riddance," Courtney said.

"Wow, that's cold," Duncan said.

Courtney kicked him in the balls. "Oh shut up!"

Then Gwen landed on top of Courtney. "Why? Why am I here again!"

"I know," Chris aid. "Some of you should be dead after floating away on Owen's _hilarious _farty balloons in All-Stars." He chuckled to himself. "Haha. Teenagers _dying_. Now that's comedy!"

Heather landed next to Gwen in a wheelchair. She was covered in bandages and bite marks. Also, she was bald again.

"Look, everybody! A bald contestant! Isn't that _hilarious_?" A laugh track played for Chris before he threw his hand on Heather's shoulder. "In All-Stars, Heather and Alejandro were chased by fang. And this is the result! Look, everybody! A contestant is _crippled for life! Laugh! LAUGH AT TEENAGERS WITH DISABILITIES!_" Chris put his hands behind his back proudly. "Also, Alejandro can't come back. After his encounter with fang in the All-Stars finale, he ended up looking even worse than Heather."

The scene cut away to a figure in a hospital bed, completely wrapped in bandages. The heart monitor next to the bandaged figure started to flatline, indicating that the patient may be dying.

"Yep, Alejandro has been in a vegetative state since the end of All-Stars. He'll never walk, talk, think, or pretty much act like he's alive _again_. Not even the robot suit could save him this time." Chris gave two thumbs up to the camera. "COMEDY!"

Zoey and Mike gently floated to the ground in parachutes.

"I _was _kind enough to give these two parachutes, though," Chris said. "Because I know how much you Total Drama fans _loooove _Zoey and Mike!"

"Mike Mike Mike!" Zoey said. "Mike, Mike Mike Mike?"

"Zoey! Zoey Zoey, Zoey _Zoey_ Zoey!" Mike said.

"Yes, you love each other," Chris said. "Good for you. Next!"

* * *

**Zoey's Confessional:**

Mike? Mike Mike _Mike _Mike? Mike, Mike Mike Mike _Miiiike _Mike. Mike Mike..." She tapped her chin. "Mike Mike, Mike Mike Mike!" She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "Mike Mike. Mike."

* * *

"Welp, now that I introduced the ultimate fan-favorites, here's a few other characters you probably don't care about as much," Chris said.

Jasmine, Shawn and Sky plummeted onto the sidewalk.

"Also, just for the record," Chris said. "Even though Shawn won last season, I planted a bomb in the suitcase full of cash. So when he opened it... _kaboom_. His money blew up. So Shawn didn't get to keep the million dollars. Haha! Isn't that _hilarious_?" He pointed two thumbs up to the camera and stuck his tongue out. "COMEDY!"

"Zoey, Zoey," MIke said. "Zoey Zoey Zoey?"

"Excellent quesiton, Mike," Chris said. "I will now split you into two teams: The Screaming Gaffers 2.0, and The Killer Grips 2.0."

* * *

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Courtney, Dave, Duncan, Gwen, Heather, Jasmine, Sky

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Max, Mike, Owen, Shawn, Scott, Sugar, Zoey

* * *

"Now for your first challenge!" Chris said. "Meet me in Studio B6 in fifteen minutes."

The contestants walked across the film lot. Though, in Heather's case, she wheeled across the film lot, in her wheelchair.

"Now that Scarlett is gone," Max said. "I won't have an incompetent minion to hold me back. I can be as _eeeevil _as possible now!"

"These film studios look like zombie bunkers," Shawn said.

Jasmine rolled her eyes. "Yes, Shawn, you happen to like zombies."

* * *

**Jasmine's Confessional: **

"I love Shawn, I really do, but his obsession with zombies is starting to annoy me. It's the only thing I don't like about him. I'm thinking maybe I should just break up with him."

* * *

"Shawn, I break up with you," Jasmine said.

"What?" Shawn said. "_Really_?"

"Yep. Our relationship is officially over. In an instant," Jasmine said, waving her hands in the air. "Poof. Like that. Poof."

"Well, that sucks," Shawn said.

* * *

**Shawn's Confessional: **

"Great, now that Jasmine broke up with me, I just might go crazy! So crazy that I'll cost my team the challenge and get voted off. But knowing _this _show, that will probably never happen. I'm sure this is all just a big misunderstanding, and me and Jasmine will be able to solve our conflict and get back on track."

* * *

Everyone gathered in front of Chris in the movie studio. "Alright, teenagers who will soon be murdered by my deadly challenges," Chris said. "Today's challenge will be based on robot movies. You'll have to kill the robots, _or be killed!" _Chris threw his head back and gave a hearty, maniacal laugh. "_Mwahahahaa!" _

"Your evil laugh needs some work," Max said. He bent over and rubbed his hands together. "However, this shall be the perfect time for me to turn these robots into my robot slaves!"

"Zoey Zoey Zoey?" Mike asked.

Zoey shrugged. "Mike MIke MIke."

"Hey Duncan, guess what?" Courtney said.

"What?"

Courtney kicked him in the balls. "I hate you!" Then she punched Gwen in the face. "And you!" Then she kicked Scott in the balls. "Also, we're never getting back together, Scott!"

"Nothing prompted that," Jasmine said.

"Yeah, well nothing prompted _your birth!_" Courtney shouted. "Grrr, I'm so angry! I'm going to eliminate you all by calling my lawyers!"

The army of robots started firing lasers at the contestants. Everyone ran around in a panic, except for Heather, who got electrocuted by the lasers since her wheelchair wasn't fast enough. Chris pointed at her and laughed so hard that he cried. "Yes, suffer my pretties. Suffer!" Chris said.

Dave picked up an ax that came out of nowhere and chased after Sky. "This is for not going out with a _nice _guy like me!"

Sky screamed in horror as Dave swung his ax, accidentally destroying robots in the process.

"Wow, looks like Dave's really helping his team out," Chris said.

"Chris, make him stop!" Sky said.

"But it's been seven seasons and nobody died onscreen yet!" Chris said. "I want someone to _die _on this show already!"

Owen and Sugar farted on several robots, which caused the robots to explode. They high-fived in each other. "Wow, you're almost as good as the wizard I had a crush on last season!" Sugar said. "Except you don't need a magic wand to create clouds of green smoke!"

Owen blushed, then farted. Sugar farted again. The two shared a laugh, farting while laughing.

"Death to Gwen, Duncan and Scott!" Courtney said, ripping a robot's head off and throwing it at Duncan, Gwen and Scott.

* * *

**Gwen's Confessional: **

"It's not even worth it to try and be friends with Courtney anymore," Gwen said. "It's like everytime she starts to act nice again, her entire personality does a 180. Don't tell me _she _has multiple personalities."

* * *

Shawn ran around in circles, screaming and crying. "Oh, Jasmine, why? WHHYYY?" He found a switch on the wall and grabbed in. "Maybe this is a time machine. Maybe I can go back in time and save myself from getting dumped by her!"

* * *

**Shawn's Confessional:**

His eyes were bloodshot. He twitched and grinned a creepy, insane grin. "Me? Crazy? I'm not going crazy! Nope, not me!"

* * *

Shawn flipped the switch.

"Robot enhancements acitvated," a robotic voice said over an intercom.

All of the robots turned toward The Killer Grips 2.0 and zapped them with lasers, knocking them unconscious.

"Welp, looks like everyone but Shawn on The Killer Grips 2.0 is unconscious," Chris said before rubbing his hands together devilishly. "Or dead! Looks like The Screaming Gaffers 2.0 win! Plus, Dave is really racking up the dead robots."

Dave continued to swung his ax, destroying robot after robot as he chased after Sky. "Death to Sky! Death to Sky! Death to Sky!" he chanted.

* * *

Owen, Sugar, Mike, Zoey, Shawn, Max and Scott gathered at The Gilded Chris ceremony. Chef stood next to Chris in a dress, holding a plate of Gilded Chris'. "See? Chef _is _in this episode!" Chris said before taking the plat of Gilded Chris awards. "Okay, you can leave, Chef."

Chef walked off the stage as Chris threw a Gilded Chris as Mike and Zoey. "Mike and Zoey are automatically safe until the merge for being such _big _fan favorites. Seriously, I wouldn't be a good host if I let _the _most _beloved _characters in the fandom get eliminated early!"

"Mike Mike, Mike!" Zoey said, catching the Gilded Chris.

* * *

**Sugar's Confessional:**

"Who does Chris think he is, making those two string beans immune until the mere?" She crossed her arms and farted. "He should make _me _immune until the merge! I mean, I'm the best there is." She farted again, then stood up and started unzipping her pants. "Whoops, time for Sugar to lay a brick."

A makeup artist in the background gasped in horror as she said, "Um, excuse me, but this isn't a bathroom, it's a makeup trailer..."

* * *

**Owen's Confessional: **

Owen bent over the seat and stared at it with a wide smile on his face. "Hey, look. Someone left me a present on this chair. Cool." Then he farted.

* * *

"There is only one Gilded Chris left," Chris said.

Max crossed his arms with a smug look on his face. "As if anyone would have the guts to vote off evil such as I."

Shawn's bloodshot eyes were spinning around in circles as drool dripped from his mouth. "Jasmine... zombie... breakup... la dee da dee daaaa..."

"Shawn, since you've gone insane after Jasmine's breakup with you," Chris said. "I'm forced to say that you've been eliminated." He threw a Gilded Chris at Max, which hit him in the face.

* * *

Shawn was stuffed in-between Owen's butt cheeks, still mumbling to himself as more drool ran from his lips. Owen was bent over a cliff with his hands on his knees.

"And this is The Fart of Shame," Chris said. "This season, eliminated victims get farted out of Owen's butt. _COMEDY! _Hit it, Owen!"

Owen farted so hard that Shawn was blasted high into the night sky until he could be seen no more.

"Wait, what happens if I get eliminated?" Owen said.

"Eh, you'll ride the Lame-o-sine," Chris said. "But you'll have to come back every night to perform The Fart of Shame if you don't mind."

"No way!" Owen threw his hands in the air. "I love farting!"

* * *

**Sugar's Confessional: **

"I can't believe it! The Fart of Shame? Why ain't I the one doin' it? I can fart ten times better than _Owen _can." She pulled out a small trophy. "Back home, I'm the fart champion in the annual farting contest five years runnin'!" Then she farted.

* * *

"And that concludes the first episode of Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set!" Chris said. "See you next week for more excitement, more drama, more action, and more _COMEDY_, folks!"


	2. Rage Trip

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 2: Rage Trip**

* * *

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Courtney, Dave, Duncan, Gwen, Heather, Jasmine, Sky

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Max, Mike, Owen, Scott, Sugar, Zoey

**Previously Eliminated: **Shawn

* * *

The sun was just beginning to rise over the abandoned film lot. In the boys trailer, Dave was scribbling on a piece of paper, his eyes bloodshot, and his clothes wrinkled, soaking with sweat.

"What are you doing?" Scott said as he crawled out of bed.

"Planning... to kill... Sky..." Dave said, scribbling harder.

* * *

**Max's Confessional:**

He tapped his chin with a devilish look on his face. "Dave planning a murder, eh? Hmmm... I am on the lookout for a new minion to build my fortress of doom." He presented a blueprint to the camera, with a few poorly drawn building plans scribbled on it. "As you can see, I'm going to need quite a few _eeeevil _henchman to help me build this. The _eeevil _mote will go here-" he tapped his finger on one spot on the blueprint, then tapped on another spot. "-and this is where my laboratory will be located, where I'll be doing my evil experiments." He smiled at the camera. "It's quite a nice floorplan, isn't it? My home economics teacher helped me with it." He sighed happily as he rolled up the blueprint and placed it back in his pocket. "Sweet lady."

* * *

Scott patted Dave's shoulder. "My pappy always said that women are like roadkill: If the maggots or the midday sun already got to it, just keep driving until you find another dead critter."

"Sounds unsanitary," Dave said.

Scott scratched at his head. "Or did pappy say that going out with a woman is like becoming roadkill, so it's best to..." He shook his head. "Well anyway, the point is, just keep driving, man. You'll find another girl. I mean, Courtney _drew me with a tail _last season, but I'm over it. I've already found me a new girl back home!"

"Really? What's her name?" Dave asked.

"She's my cousin Luanne," Scott said.

Dave gave a sickened look, but then he stroked his chin. "Hmmm..."

Meanwhile, Owen was lying in bed with his butt in the air, farting as he snored.

Duncan covered his nose and headed out the trailer. "Ugh, dude's been farting all night. I think I might just need to get myself sent back to jail, if you know what I mean." He slammed one fist into his palm and grinned. "As in, I'm gonna do something very bad to him. Because I'm a bad person."

Max grinned. "Oh really?" He rubbed his hands together. "Looks like I have found _two _henchmen..."

"Whoa, where are we?" Duncan said, pointing outside.

Both the boys' and the girls' trailers were sitting in the middle of a long, deserted road.

Chris walked in front of the trailers with his hands in the air. "It's challenge time!"

The boys and the girls exited their trailers, looking tired and confused. "Mike Mike Mike, Mike?" Zoey asked.

"I'll tell you what's going on," Courtney said, shaking her fist. "I had to sleep next to an evil, vile, disgusting, boyfriend-stealing, chart-hating, pasty, gothy, ugly, conspired-to-get-me-voted-off-last-season _jerkface!" _

Gwen backed up, holding her hands out defensively with a terrified look on her face.

* * *

**Gwen's Confessional: **

"I couldn't get any sleep last night. Courtney was staring at me _all night long_, just giving me this sharp glare, like she was going to _murder _me!"

* * *

"Today's challenge is based off of road trip movies," Chris said, pointing to a pile of disassembled car parts lying on the road. "Each team will have to put together a car, and then drive back to the film lot. First team back wins. Losing team sends a teammate flying out of Owen's butt. And yes, there will be several _deadly _obstacles on the way!"

"Hey Duncan, guess what?" Courtney said. Before he could respond, she kicked him in the balls. Then she smacked Gwen on the back of the head as she bent over a pile of car parts. "Chris, which pile is my team's?"

"Whichever one you call dibs on first," Chris said. "One car has an outdated map in the glove box, and the other has a GPS system that may or may not work. Looks like Courtney declared that car for her team, so the Killer Grips get the other pile."

Zoey and Mike ran toward their team's pile and instantly started reassembling their team's car with ease.

"Wow, that's amazing," Owen said, watching them with admiration. He bent over to get a better look, causing himself to fart. "You're already halfway done!"

"Mike? Mike Mike, _Miiiike_ Mike Mike," Zoey said.

* * *

**Owen's Confessional: **

"Wow, talk about being lucky! It's so awesome that Zoey and Mike started working for Mike's uncle's auto repair shop after season five. Thanks to them, our team will probably win!"

* * *

Sugar rolled her eyes. "Pft, you call that a fart? _This _is a fart!" Sugar bent over and ripped a huge fart that shook the earth. Sky was sent flying toward Scott, who caught her in his arms.

"Whoa, easy there," Scott said.

"Oh, thanks," Sky said.

"Oh, by the way," Scott said. "Dave is trying to kill you. Normally I'd find that sort of thing funny, but my grandmama used to tell me that women are like apple pies, and-"

Sky pulled herself out of Scott's arms and chuckled. "Um, yeah, don't remind me about _Dave_. He chased me with a baseball bat last episode."

"Well, I tried talking to him this morning," Scott said. "You know, to protect the apple pie." He winked at her, and Sky gave him a weird look.

"Riiight... I'm just gonna... go back to my team..." She ran away from him, catching up with her team.

"Does _anyone _here know how to put a car back together?" Courtney said. "Come on, we _have _to win, people!"

* * *

**Courtney's Confessional: **

"I've never gotten higher than thirteenth place in Total Drama history. It would be nice to actually make it far for a change! And also to not get beat up by Duncan or Gwen!" She crossed her arms and growled. "I still can't believe those two beat me up for no reason last season!"

* * *

"Zoey Zoey Zoey!" Mike said, giving Zoey a high-five. Then the two embraced, kissing each other passionately. Their team's car, a small sedan, was completely put together. It sparkled and shined in the sunlight.

"Alright, Mike and Zoey!" Owen cheered.

Sugar glared at him. "You call _that _a cheer? How about this?" She jumped up and down, screaming at the top of her lungs. "_MIKE AND ZOEY ARE AWESOME! WOO-HOOO!_" Then she farted in Owen's direction before walking off.

* * *

**Sugar's Confessional: **

"I've got to find a way to get rid of that Owen guy. Since day one he's been at my throat, saying he's gonna eliminate me and junk. Even waaay back in season three he's been sayin' that about me!" She rubbed her head. "Wait, did I compete in World Tour?" She shook her head. "Yep, totally did. So anyway, I got to get rid of him."

* * *

With Owen and Sugar in the car, everyone was cramped. There was hardly any room to move.

"If you two fart, this is going to be a _looooong _ride," Scott said. "I say we open a window."

Then Owen farted, filling the car with green gas.

* * *

"Um, mind helping me out?" Courtney said angrily, trying to fit two random car parts together.

Duncan shrugged. "I'd rather lose so I can vote you out."

Courtney grunted angrily. "And what about you Heather, what aren't you helping?"

Heather glared angrily at her from her wheelchair.

* * *

**Heather's Confessional: **

Because of the bandages wrapped around her face, she could only muster a few muffled noises. "Mf, mmmfff mf mff!"

Chris barged into the confessional trailer so he could point and laugh. "Haha! You're crippled for life! Now _that's _COMEDY!" He gave two thumbs up to the camera before running off, giggling to himself.

* * *

**Sky's Confessional: **

"Just for the record, I do not like Scott! I already had enough boy troubles last season."

* * *

"Wow, Zoey," Scott said as his team's car sped across the road. "You're a good driver. Say, does the GPS work?"

Mike picked up the GPS and tried turning it on. Sparks flew out of it, and then smoke rose out of the screen.

Zoey took the GPS, fiddled with it, and instantly, it was fixed!

"Wow, that's awesome!" Owen said. "You can drive and fix electronics at the same time. Cool."

Zoey shrugged. "Mike, Mike Mike Mike. _Miiike._"

"Oh come on, you can totally brag," Scott said. "That was pretty cool of you. You know, you shouldn't be afraid to be confident. My cousin Enis once said that there are two people in this world: Cows, and the ones who go cow-tipping. If you're not confident, you'll be tipped by the cow-tippers." He scrunched up his face, thinking. "Or... something like that..."

* * *

Finally, The Screaming Gophers' car was put together. It was another small sedan. Courtney stood proudly with her hands on her hips. "Ha! I told you calling my lawyers would get the job done."

"Now let's go!" Jasmine said, jumping in the passenger seat.

Courtney got into the driver's seat, causing Gwen to wince. "I'm not sure if I want to get in a car with _you_," Gwen said. "I'll bet you'd take yourself down just to get me killed."

"Look, I want to win too," Courtney said. "I may hate your guts, but I would _never _throw challenges just to get you eliminated. I've _never _done such a thing in the history of this game, and I never will! Now come on."

* * *

**Courtney's Confessional: **

"If only Alejandro wasn't in a vegetative state," she said. "He'd know what to do. He was the best boyfriend I had in this game. He never betrayed me or anything like that." She sighed wistfully. "I'll sure miss all the times we kissed, and the dates we had after World Tour ended. We even had plans to get married." She sighed loudly.

* * *

"Wow, we haven't hit any of Chris' deadly obstacles the whole time," Scott said before Owen farted again.

"Probably because Zoey's driving," Owen said between farts.

"That's it! I've had it with you, fat boy." Sugar opened the car door and shoved Owen out. He rolled onto the street, bouncing up and down on his fat, farting with each bounce.

Zoey, shocked, looked over her shoulder, accidentally driving right into a pile of explosives. The car was sent ablaze. Everyone was covered in scratches and soot, smoke pouring out of their skin. Well, everyone except Zoey and Mike, who looked perfectly fine somehow.

"Zoey Zoey!" Mike said. "Zoey Zoey Zoey?"

"Yeah, we're fine," Scott said.

Zoey pouted her lips, crossing her arms.

"Aw, don't blame yerself, hon," Sugar said. "It was Owen's fault we got exploded, not yours."

"_You're _the one who threw him out of the car," Scott said. "How dare you!"

"Neigh, it was me who planted the bombs!" Max said, laughing manaically. "Because I am _EEEEVIL!" _

* * *

**Max's Confessional:**

"Okay, it wasn't really me, but I have a reputation to maintain."

* * *

The Screaming Gaffers' car sped past them as Courtney laughed. "Later losers!" Then she drove over a land mine, sending the car flying into the sky. It spun around higher and higher, until it came crashing down in front of the film lot. The car exploded on impact, sending the contestants flying.

Jasmine landed on top of Duncan, and their lips touched. She immediatley blushed, then pulled herself off him. "Sorry..."

"I'm not," Duncan said with a smug grin.

* * *

**Jasmine's Confessional:**

"Oh, what am I doing? I had enough boy trouble yesterday when I broke up with Shawn. And now I'm falling for Duncan?"

* * *

"Did anybody _DIE_?" Chris said.

"Nope, we're alive," Gwen said. "Though I wish I were dead."

* * *

Chris stood at the podium for the Gilded Chris ceremony. "I'm disappointed. Two explosions and nobody died. Nobody even went comatose. Except maybe Heather, since it's hard to tell with her being all wrapped up in bandages and unable to move regardless." He held up a plate of Gilded Chris awards. "Anyway, it looks like we have a tie-breaker tonight. Sugar and Owen both received three votes each."

Owen farted in shock.

"_Buuut_, there's no need for a tie-breaker, because I'm ignoring the votes," Chris said. "It has come to my attention that _somebody _here has been '_changing for the better'_." He scoffed at the mere words. "Yeah, I know my fans, and I know that the fans _hate _that sort of thing. Total Drama is about drama and pain, not teens who become sane. So, I hereby eliminate Scott from the competition!"

Scott jumped up and gasped. "What? Me?"

"Dude, Scott, you haven't been a true villain since Revenge of the Island," Chris said. "Your 'positive character development" - again, he scoffed at the words - "took over your whole performance last season. You're just not stirring up drama like you used to. In fact, you've been _preventing _drama by being a super nice guy lately! So, you're out of here."

"But what about Mike and Zoey? They're super nice!" Scott said. "And without Mal it's not like Mike's going to cause drama."

Mike and Zoey were too busy making out to even pay attention to any of this.

"Yeeeaaaah, but, they're the fan favorites, so I don't want to get rid of them," Chris said. "But you're fair game."

* * *

Owen was bent over the cliff, spreading his butt cheeks wide open with his hands. Chef dragged Scott to the top of the cliff, while Scott squirmed and tried to struggle free. "You can't do this to me! I'm still a bad guy. Just give me a second-"

Chef rammed Scott head-first into Owen's butt, shoving him in deep. Owen then turned his butt toward the edge of the cliff, his face going red. "I'm about to burst," Owen said.

"Let it rip, big guy," Chris said.

Owen released a massive fart that sent Scott flying off into the air. Scott was blasted right into a plane that just so happened to be passing by. The plane spun out of control, and then crashed into the side of a mountain, exploding on impact.

"Stay tuned next week, folks!" Chris said, waving to the camera. "Because there's going to be more violence and more drama coming up. And hopefully, more teens who become crippled for life." He sighed. "Seriously, we have to up the ante Chef. I want someone on this show to die already, and since our episode length got cut down to eleven minutes, there just isn't enough room for much suffering."

* * *

**Max's Confessional: **

"For the record, I do have some _seriously eeevil_ plans for this season," Max said. "Starting tomorrow, I'm going to eliminate _everybody_ through my masterfully crafted, diabolical plans!" He threw his head back and gave a booming, maniacal laugh. "Oh, you'll see. You'll _aaaaalll _see!"

* * *

**Dave's Confessional: **

He shrugged. "Welp, now that Scott's gone, I guess there's nobody to prevent me from trying to murder Sky." He grinned at the camera, then slowly raised an ax above his head. His grin grew wider and wider.


	3. Close Encounters of the Dramatic Kind

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 3: Close Encounters of the Dramatic Kind**

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Courtney, Dave, Duncan, Gwen, Heather, Jasmine, Sky

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Max, Mike, Owen, Sugar, Zoey

**Previously Eliminated:** Shawn, Scott

* * *

The twelve remaining contestants were gathered in the craft services tent. Everyone's bowl was full of rocks. Owen and Sugar didn't seem to mind, as they were gulping down rock after rock.

Chris entered the tent with a grin on his face. "Alright, castmates. I hope ya'll enjoyed your fruit-free, cereal-free Fruity Pebbles, because it's time to torment you!"

"Rocks? For breakfast?" Courtney said. "Are you kidding me?"

"Um, they're pebbles," Chris said. "Regardless, if you want to starve to death-" He rubbed his hands deviously together. "-then that's fine by me; don't eat your low-cal food-free pebbles."

Max shoved his pebbles into his pockets, chuckling to himself. "These could assist me with my eeeeviiiil plans," he said to himself.

Courtney growled as she threw her bowl of pebbles at Gwen's face, then she stormed out of the tent. "Let's just get this over with."

"Oh, by the way," Chris said, taking a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Max, your doctor wanted me to give you this."

Max took the paper and examined it angrily. "What? I've been diagnosed with Autism?" He crumbled up the paper, balling his fists. "Eeeeeviiil doesn't have Autism!" He shook his fist in the air. "Revenge upon my general health care provider. Revenge!"

Neeeeewwww. CRASH! The tent shook violently until it collapsed, trapping the contestants inside. Flames engulfed the tent, while green, glowing liquids spilled into the ground.

"Uh-oh, looks like a UFO just crashed on site!" Chris shouted through a megaphone. "It's an alien invasion, folks. If you want to live, you'd better high-tail it to the government fallout shelter. A.K.A, Studio 11C."

Duncan slid out from under the tent and lit his lighter, tossing it onto the tent to add more to the flames. Then he ran off, laughing menacingly.

* * *

**Duncan's Confessional:**

"Last season, everyone thought I went soft." He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, that was on purpose. Now that nobody thinks I'm a threat, I can dominate the game before anyone suspects a thing." He pointed his thumb at himself proudly. "Because that's me, baby. The true evil of this game. The one and only bad boy."

* * *

Courtney woke up in a hospital bed, covered in bandages. And she was bald.

"And she's awake!" Chris said.

Courtney rubbed her head. "What... h-h-happened?"

"A UFO full of radioactive waste crash-landed right on top of you," Chris said.

Courtney's' eyes bulged out in fear. "WHAT?"

* * *

The small, green, flying aliens from Total Drama World Tour flew around the film set, chasing after the contestants. Except this time, the aliens had ray guns in their hands.

Luckily, Zoey was able to crawl out from under the tent. There was a long wire hanging from a tall pole next to the fallen tent, so Zoey grabbed one of the ropes attached to the tent and placed it in her mouth. She than scaled the pole effortlessly, and, holding onto the wire, swung across the air, pulling the tent along with her. Using her super amazing gymnastics skills, Zoey was even able to do several backflips in the air before landing on her feet. She had effectively pulled the tent away from the other contestants, setting them free. And, for good measure, she even managed to find a fire extinguisher, allowing her to put out the flames with ease.

"Wow, Zoey, you saved us!" Owen said.

"Yaaay! Go Zoey!" Jasmine, Dave, Sky, Gwen and Owen cheered.

"Wow, that was so amazing," Gwen said. "Zoey, you are so beautiful and perfect and talented and athletic and just... amazing in every way!"

Zoey blushed.

"Yeah, you are flawless," Owen said. "We love you, Zoey!" He ran up to her and gave her a big hug, then let her go so Mike could pull her into his arms and give her a kiss.

"Wow, you're a better gymnast than me," Sky said.

"Oh, you're not allowed to talk," Dave said. "And you won't be able to talk when the aliens get to you!" He waved his hands in the air and shouted. "Yoo-hoo! Aliens, come and get it!" An alien flew by and zapped Dave with a ray gun. Burned to a dark gray crisp, Dave coughed up smoke before falling on his face.

"Zoey, Zoey Zoey!" Mike said, pointing toward the collection of studios.

"Right, let's go," Jasmine said, as everyone except the unconscious Dave ran off.

"Wait, where's Max?" Owen said.

"Who cares where Max is? It's just you and me, Owen," Sugar said.

* * *

**Sugar's Confessional:**

"If I'm gonna win this season, I realized that I need to get into an alliance with Owen. He's the only one who can relate to me-" She ripped a loud fart, then continued. "-and once I've made it far enough, _then_ I'll ditch him."

* * *

Meanwhile, Max was walking around on top of his brain. He was inside his own mind. "Alright, where are you, Autism?" he said to himself. "I know you're in here somewhere. Show yourself!"

In the middle of Max's brain, a podium stuck out between his frontal lobes. A sign on the podium read:

AUTISM B GONE

Max rubbed his hands together. "Excellent!" The podium housed a shiny, red button. "Huh? That's it?" Max scratched his chin. He leaned over, searching the podium, but there was nothing else on it. Just a sign and a big button. He shrugged. "Oh well. Be gone with you, Autism!" He slammed his hands down on the button.

"Congratulations," an automated voice said from the podium. "You no longer have Autism."

Max raised an eyebrow. "Wow, I seriously thought curing my mental illness would be much harder..."

* * *

"How's it going, castmates?" Chris said, watching as aliens chased after the contestants, firing their ray guns at them. Chris sighed with pleasure. "Ahhh, I sure love this _reality_ show. Yep, definitely the best _reality_ show there is."

Owen bent over to catch his breath, causing an alien that was chasing him to fly right into Owen's butt. "Whoops, here comes a fart," Owen said before sending the alien flying out of his butt with a huge fart. But then another alien flew up to Owen and hit him with the ray gun, reducing Owen to a pile of ashes.

Chris gasped. "Oh my gosh... did... did Owen just die?" He clapped his hands together, the happiest grin spreading across his cheeks.

Owen walked up to him, looking good as new. He didn't even have a scratch. "Nope, I'm cool," Owen said.

Chris cocked his brow. "How... how did you do that?"

* * *

Gwen walked from studio to studio, trying to find 11C. "Come on, come on, where are you?" Then she bumped into Duncan. "Oh, Duncan..." She sighed and rubbed the back of her head. "Hey, man, look, I realized that Courtney is too much of a backstabbing jerkface. I shouldn't have dumped you to try and be her friend."

"Oh, so you wanna make out?" Before she could answer, Duncan kissed her on the lips.

Gwen blushed. "Wow. I've been waiting for that kiss." She grinned. "In fact, did you know that last season I was faking?"

Duncan let go of her and crossed his arms. "Oh, really?"

"No, seriously," Gwen said. "Throughout all of All Stars I was pretending to care about Courtney's friendship." She threw her head back and cackled. "It was all part of my plan to eliminate her. I only broke up with you to put up the facade."

"Oh come on, you two were inseparable in All Stars," Duncan said.

"I'm not the nice girl you think I am," Gwen said. "Throughout all of Total Drama I've only been pretending to be nice, so if I made it to the finale, nobody would be the wiser. I'd get a ton of people on my side, without any of them knowing how dark I am on the inside." She grabbed Duncan's shoulders. "Now give me a kiss, bad boy." She pulled him toward her and kissed him hard on the lips.

* * *

Sky threw her hands in the air. She had found studio 11C. "Yes! For the win, here comes Sky." She opened the door, and Dave was there. He was inside the dark studio, a grin plastered on his face. An ax raised above his head.

"Ohhh Skyyyyy," he said. "Are you ready to see what happens when you reject _nice guys_ like me?"

Sky screamed and kicked him in the balls so hard that he was sent flying into the ceiling, getting caught in a ceiling fan. The fan spun him around and around until he was sent flying out of a window, crashing right into something big. And green.

Towering fifty feet above him, a green-skinned, bald Courtney with torn up clothes stared down at him. She had two extra eyes on her forehead. Her teeth were razor-sharp, and large spikes protruded from her bald head and ran all the way down her spine, which extended all the way out to form a long, spiked tail. She picked up Dave with her giant, clawed hands and roared like a monster. "Courtney want Gwen and Duncan," Courtney said. "You take Courtney to Gwen and Duncan now!"

* * *

**Chris' Confessional:**

Chris grabbed his stomach, already in tears from laughing too hard. He wiped a tear away, trying to not laugh as he spoke. "Oh man... haha... I knew Courtney would be affected by the toxic waste. But I didn't know that would happen!"

* * *

Courtney's footsteps rattled the film lot. "I'm telling you, I don't know where they are," Dave said. "But, could you maybe stomp on Sky for me? Repeatedly?"

Courtney growled at him. "You no help the Courtney find Gwen and Duncan. Courtney ging bye-bye to you now." She tossed him over her shoulder, then continued her search, until she found Heather rolling across the street in her wheelchair.

Courtney pointed at Heather. "Courtney hate the Heather. The Heather stole Alejandro from Courtney. Courtney smash! Courtney smash!"

Heather gave a muffled scream through her bandaged-up face, putting her wheelchair in reverse.

Chris jumped behind Heather and pushed the wheelchair closer to Courtney. "Go on, Courtney. Kill the Heather! Kill her."

Heather looked terrified. She screamed and screamed through the bandages, but Chris only laughed at her.

"If anyone should be the first contestant to die on this show, it's you," Chris said. "The most hated girl on Total Drama. The contestants hate you. The Total Drama production team hates you. And the fans hate you."

Courtney picked up the wheelchair-bound Heather in her hand, grinning deviously.

"How does it feel, Heather?" Chris said. "That you made it to the final three twice, and you made it to the final two after you 'changed for the better'?" Once again he scoffed at the words. "Yep, in World Tour you gained a huge fanbase, and yet after all the crud you've been through, after all the 'changing for the better', you still _never_ won! You know, FOR COMEDY!" He chuckled to himself. "And I'm glad, because the entire production team hates your fans, Heather! And even if you did win, you'd _never_ get the million dollars because Ezekiel would've thrown it in the volcano anyway!"

Courtney laughed maniacally as she tossed Heather in her mouth.

"Die! Die! Die!" Chris chanted before pointing at the camera. "How do you like that Heather fans? We, the Total Drama production team, don't give a crap about you!"

Tears rolled down Heather's cheeks before Courtney clamped her jaw shut, swallowing Heather whole. Then she burped out Heather's wheelchair. "Yum yum yum. That was good appetizer," Courtney said. "Courtney now ready to eat Duncan and Gwen."

Just then, a slew of helicopters swarmed around Courtney's head. She swatted at them like flies, roaring like Godzilla. The helicopters continued to circle around her, draping a giant net over her body. Courtney flailed her arms around, struggling to free herself, but it was no use. The net held her securely, allowing the helicopters to lift her away.

"Heeeey, what are you doing?" Chris said. "The Total Drama fans love seeing mutated contestants. Give her back."

Through an intercom, someone in one of the helicopters said, "Sorry, MacLean, but this creature is an alien-human hybrid. She is now property of the Canadian Government and will be placed under the jurisdiction of the United Nations."

The helicopters flew away just as quickly as they came, leaving Chris to kick a rock in anger.

* * *

Meanwhile, using their amazing gymnastic abilities, Zoey and Mike leaped from building to building, almost as if they were super-humans. Before an alien could hit Mike with a ray-gun, Zoey tackled the alien from behind and knocked it out with a sleeper hold. Mike then leapt over Zoey, did several backflips, and kicked an alien in the face before it could blast Zoey.

The two high-fived each other and shared a kiss. "Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey, Zoey," Mike said.

Zoey pecked him on the cheek. "Mike Mike!" She looked around and pointed at Owen, who was leaned over a tree, trying to catch his breath. She waved at Mike to follow. "Mike Mike, Mike."

Using his amazing super-human strenght, Mike lifted Owen over his head. "Zoey Zoey, Zoey," Mike said. "Zoey Zoey Zoey!"

Owen sighed with relief. "Oh man, I love you guys. You two are just so... awesome."

Mike and Zoey raced toward Sugar. Mike picked her up with his other hand. He actually had the amazing ability to hold Owen high above his head with one hand, and Sugar with the other hand.

Zoey clapped her hands. "Mike MIke!"

Mike ran to studio 11C, and chasing after him was Zoey, carrying Max over her head.

"Put me down, woman," Max demanded.

Zoey tossed Max to Mike, who caught him and brought him inside Studio 11C. Then Zoey did several cartwheels until she crossed the studio's doors.

"And The Grips win it!" Chris announced.

Owen hugged Zoey and Mike. "Man, you two are the greatest!"

"Yeah, go Zoey and MIke!" Sugar cheered.

"This isn't fair!" Sky stamped her foot. "Mike and Zoey should be on _my_ team."

Zoey shrugged. "Mike Mike."

* * *

Duncan, Gwen, Dave, Jasmine and Sky were gathered in front of Chris at the Gilded Chris Ceremony.

"Well well well, your first night here," Chris said, shaking his head. "Unfortunately, there's no need to cast any votes. Courtney ate Heather, and then Courtney got taken away by the government."

Jasmine leaned forward with a concerned look on her face. "Whoa whoa whoa, how does _that_ happen?"

"Courtney got infected with some extraterrestrial toxic waste," Chris said. "Remember Dakotazoid from Revenge of the Island? Well, now we have a Courtneyzoid." Chris gave two thumbs up to the camera and winked. "Isn't that _hilarious,_ kids?"

Dave got down on his knees and cried. "Why? Why couldn't Courtney eat Sky?"

"So, anyway," Chris continued. "Even though two contestants have technically been eliminated before the challenge was even finished, I decided to make this a reward challenge, because I don't want Mike and Zoey's incredible efforts to go to waste. The Grips are currently being taken to a five-star restaurant for dinner, while the rest of you are left to eat whatever disgusting garbage Chef serves up tonight."

"Well, at least Courtney and Heather are gone," Gwen said with a grin.

"I know, right? It's like two free punk rock concerts on the same night," Duncan said. "It just doesn't get any better than that."

"Guys, somebody died," Jasmine said flatly.

Chris pointed at the camera once again. "And that concludes another episode of the best season of Total Drama so far. Yep, even though we're only clocking in at eleven minutes per episode, we're pulling out all the stops! So stay tuned next time for more Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set!"


	4. Run Freaks, Run!

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 4: Run Freaks, Run!**

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Dave, Duncan, Gwen, Jasmine, Sky

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Max, Mike, Owen, Sugar, Zoey

**Previously Eliminated: **Shawn, Scott, Heather, Courtney

* * *

Only a tiny streak of orange touched the dark sky before Chris stood in front of the trailers with a mischievous smile. Large earplugs covered his ears as he pressed an air horn against a megaphone and blasted the screeching, deafening horn. The sonic blast stripped leaves off of trees and rocked the trailers.

In the boys' trailer, Duncan jumped up so quickly that he banged his head on the ceiling and then slipped off the top bunk.

Chris screamed into the megaphone. "Rise and shine, contestants. Your next challenge begiiiiiinnnnsss... NOW."

"It's four-thirty in the morning," Jasmine said as she sluggishly exited the girls' trailer.

"What?" Gwen said, rubbing her ears. "Ow, I think my ears are bleeding."

"Evil needs rest," Max said to no one in particular. "When the time comes, I shall exact my revenge upon Chris MacLean."

"Drama never sleeps, so neither should you," Chris said. "Now, to add even _more _drama, we're going to do a little switch-a-roo. Mike and Sugar, you are now on the Gaffers' team. And Duncan and Jasmine are on the Grips."

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Dave, Gwen, Mike, Sky, Sugar

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Duncan, Jasmine, Max, Owen, Zoey

Zoey and Mike gasped in shock.

* * *

**Zoey's Confessional: **

Zoey was bawling her eyes out as she cried out, "_MIIIIIIIKE!_" She buried her face in her hands and cried even harder, harder than she'd ever cried before.

* * *

**Mike's Confessional: **

Mike was hugging his knees, tears sprinkling out of his eyes as he cried, "_ZOOOOEEEEEEY!_"

* * *

"Today's challenges will be based on sports movies," Chris said.

Duncan rolled his eyes. "Pft, we already did this in TDA."

Ignoring Duncan, Chris continued. "So, your first challenge is to do a twenty kilometer run around the film set. Your path will be marked by checkpoints that you're required to stay on. If you try to take any detours, you'll be disqualified from the challenge."

"Can we eat beforehand?" Sky asked. "I don't want to exert myself without the proper-"

"If you want to eat, you'll have to complete the challenge," Chris interrupted."At the finish line you'll find a large pile of Chef's very own homemade protein bars. But, although they all _look _like protein bars, only _one _of them is an _actual _protein bar. Which means, you'll have to do some taste-testing, and it _won't_ be tasty. First person to find the real protein bar wins for their team."

"Can we at least get water?" Jasmine asked.

"Yeah, this is a _challenge_," Chris said. "What kind of challenge would this be if you weren't at risk of dropping dead from dehydration? Now no more questions. On your marks, get set..." He held up his air horn and let out a loud _HOOONNNKK_. "Go!"

The contestants darted toward the pathway, with Sugar, Owen, and a tired Gwen, lagging behind.

"Hey, Max," Duncan said, slowing down his pace so Max could catch up. "Now that we're on the same team, I say we form an alliance. I'm evil, you're evil, it'll be the perfect alliance, right?"

"Fool! Compared to me, you don't even come _close _to evil," Max said. "However, if you wish to be my henchman, then you'll have to fill out an application." He handed a clipboard and a pen to Duncan. "But be forewarned, I'm quite picky, and I've already received several applications. Also, be sure to dress nice for the interview."

* * *

**Duncan's Confessional: **

Duncan stared at the clipboard like it was the stupidest thing he'd ever seen. "Wow, just, _wow_." He threw the clipboard over his shoulder and kicked his feet up on the dresser, placing his hands behind his head. "For the record, there's _no way _that little pipsqueak is evil. I mean, just look at him! But, whatev, as long as the little twerp trusts me, he'll be easy to eliminate."

* * *

Chris, watching from a chair on top of a building, was munching on popcorn. "It's now been half an hour, and some of the strongest competitors are losing their stride."

Jasmine, who went from a run, to a jog, to falling down on her knees, gave a loud gasp with a raspy-sounding throat.

Zoey, who wasn't too far ahead, stopped and ran up to her. "Mike? Mike Mike Mike?"

"I've been running a marathan on an empty stomach and I haven't had a drop of water to drink," Jasmine said. "Look, I'm so dehydrated I can't even spit." She puckered up her lips and attempted to spit, but only powder escaped her lips.

Zoey picked Jasmine up on her shoulders, carrying her with ease. She was even able to run extremely fast; she was so strong and incredible, it was like she wasn't even carrying Jasmine.

"Thanks, Zoey," Jasmine said.

Zoey's eye twitched as she nodded her head. "Mike _Miiiike_." A wide, creepy smile spread across her face as her eye twitched once more. "Mike Mike... _Miiiiike_..." She started chuckling as her pupils grew further apart. She was now wall-eyed, laughing to herself like a psycho as she repeated Mike's name again.

"Um, are you okay, Zoey?" Jasmine asked.

Zoey's eye twitched again as she laughed. The only response she gave was Mike's name. Again and again. Mike's name, and louder, more frenetic laughter.

* * *

Owen was crawling on his hands and knees, sweat pouring out of his every pour. He was actually leaving behind a trail of sweat, creating large puddles of his own bodily fluids. "Can't... go... on..."

Sugar was sweating just as much as he was; her makeup was running all the way down to her chest and her clothes were drenched, as if she had fallen into a lake. But it was just sweat. Gripping her knees to catch her breath, she said, "I'm really beginning to hate Chris. Why can't we just have a pageant contest or something?"

"Well, at least we're still friends, right?" Owen asked.

"You know what I have to say to that?" She walked over to him, bent over, and farted in his face. "See ya later, ex-teammate."

* * *

Zoey slid past the finish light, letting Jasmine off her shoulder. Not too far behind, Duncan ran up to them, bumping into Jasmine.

"Oops, sorry," Jasmine said.

Duncan picked her up, and she blushed. "I'm never sorry to bump into you, because I, for one, enjoy _hot chocolate_." He winked at her.

Jasmine's face was as red as a strawberry. She giggled and gave him a hand-wave. "Oh, stop it, you..."

Duncan squeezed her shoulders and kissed her on the lips.

* * *

**Jasmine's Confessional:**

"What am I doing? I'm cheating on Shawn! I mean, sure, he broke up with me, but that was just a spur of the moment. I'm sure he didn't mean it. Just you see, me and Shawn will get back together once the game is over. So-" She sighed and rested her head on her shoulders. "-what am I doing messing around with Duncan?"

* * *

Duncan went up to the pile of wrapped protein bars and picked one up. He slowly pulled it out of the rapper, then covered his mouth and gagged. "Ew, these stink..." He clamped his eyes shut and put it in his mouth, immediately spitting it out. "Ugh, what is this crap?"

Chris walked up to Duncan, giving him a smug smirk. "Oh, what a fitting word... I would say these _are_ quite _crappy_ indeed!"

Duncan's eyes widened. "Wait... you don't mean..."

"Chef was up all night making these 'protein bars'..." He winked at Duncan. "And he didn't even need to use an oven."

* * *

**Duncan's Confessional: **

Duncan was violently scrubbing at his teeth with two toothbrushes, and then he chugged down a bottle of mouthwash, spat it out, and then poured more mouthwash, but it was no use, vomit started spilling out of his nostrils, and then he leaned forward and let vomit explode out of his mouth and nose. "Oh, mother of mercy!" He tried to cover his mouth, but another explosion of vomit blasted out of him, and this time his projectile vomit spewed right at the camera.

* * *

**Chris' Confessional: **

Chris' face was beet red, and he was laughing so hard that tears were pouring down his face. He leaned over, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. "I always knew it was true, and now nobody can deny it: The Total Drama contestants eat sh**!"

* * *

Sugar couldn't even crawl on her knees anymore. She collapsed on the street, letting her tongue fall out of her mouth to taste the asphalt. "I can't take it. There's _gotta _be a way to just, I dunno, instantly make myself more fit. Like, like a reset button or something..."

* * *

Gwen finally made it to the finish line, painting and heaving before dropping to her knees. She sniffed at the air, then covered her nose and mouth. "Ewww, what is _that_?"

Sky, Zoey, Mike, Jasmine and Duncan were crowded around the pile of so-called protein bars. Duncan's face was green as his cheeks puffed up, unable to handle much more. But still, for the million dollars, he unwrapped another one, which stank just as bad as the last one.

Sky held her breath and unwrapped another one. Its strong scent billowed through the air, inviting a flies to swarm around the contestants. "Yep, another turd in a granola bar wrapper," Sky said, tossing it over her shoulder.

"A _what _wrapped in a _what_?" Gwen said as a disturbed look spilled across her face.

"I'm going to kill Chris after this," Jasmine said as she split open another wrapper. She could still see bits of corn in the resulting turd. "UGH!" She threw it and reached into the pile again.

Zoey sighed as she reached for another wrapper. Mike raised an eyebrow, noticing that her hair was messed up and her eyes were bloodshot. "Zoey? Zoey Zoey?" Mike asked.

Zoey sighed. "Mike Mike Mike Mike, Mike. Mike Mike..." She sighed again. "Mike Mike Mike."

* * *

**Duncan's Confessional: **

Duncan's arms were folded as he stared at the camera with an unimpressed look on his face. "Pft, seriously? Oh boo-hoo, Mike and Zoey are on different teams now. I got moved away from Gwen's team and you don't see _me _complaining."

Jasmine walked into the trailer and then immediately turned away whens he saw Duncan. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were in here."

Duncan got out of his seat and pulled Jasmine into his arms. "You and me alone in a trailer? What's there to complain about?"

Jasmine swooned before the two locked lips, kissing passionately while Duncan smacked Jasmine's butt.

* * *

Sugar was inside her own mind, walking on top of her brain. Her voice echoed in the massive, empty cavern of her inner cranium. "Oh, look, what's this?" she said, running toward a shiny, red button on the wall...

* * *

Meanwhile, Dave was waiting atop a building, watching the pathway below. "Come on, Sky. Come, my pretty..." In the distance he could see Sky, jogging across the path. "That's it, atta girl..."

Sky stepped on a tripwire as she ran past, releasing a massive, sharpened log on a rope. The rope swung toward her, the sharpened end pointed right at her. However, Sky was too fast; she just kept on running, not even noticing the log that swung right past her. Swinging higher and higher, the rope snapped, causing the log to fly right toward Dave.

"No, no, no, _nooo-_" The log smashed into him, knocking him off the roof. He rolled down as the log rolled over him, flattening him, and then he slid into a randomly-placed shark tank.

Screaming and splashing around in the water, Dave surfaced and reached for the edge of the tank, but it was too late. Five sharked swarmed around Dave, pulling him back into the water as she thrashed and struggled. The lower half of his body was already inside a shark's mouth, but Dave still managed to reach for the edge of the tank and pull his face out of the water one more time. "Why? _WHYYY? _All I want is to kill Sky! Is that too much to ask?" Then the shark pulled Dave back underwater.

* * *

Sugar raced toward the finish line, and threw her muscular arms in the air to cheer. "Woo-hoo! Alright, I did it."

Gwen looked even more disturbed as she stared at Sugar. "What the..."

Sugar had magically turned tall and skinny, with well-toned muscles rippling across her body. She was even wearing athletic shorts, sneakers, a tank top, and a sweatband. Except she probably didn't even need the sweatband; she looked like she could run fifty kilometers and not break a sweat.

"Take a look at me, ya'll," Sugar said, flexing her arm muscles. "I'm a regular athlete now. In fact, I look stronger and more fit that any of ya'll. And all I had to do was press a shiny, red button in my head. Can you believe it?"

Duncan rubbed his head. "I think the fumes from Chef's turd bars are making me hallucinate."

Zoey sighed as she picked up another wrapper. Unwrapping it, the contents inside didn't smell horrible. She sniffed at it, and smiled. "Mmmm..." In fact, it wasn't even the same dark brown as the others. Zoey was holding a golden bar of toasted grains and seeds. "Mike Mike!" Zoey cheered as she raised the protein bar over her head.

"And Zoey wins it for the Grips," Chris announced. "Congratulations."

"Alright, Zoey!" Jasmine cheered.

Sky grunted as she stormed off. "Ugh! I can't believe I touched Chef's poop for nothing."

* * *

At the Gilded Chris ceremony, Gwen, Sky, Mike and Sugar cast their votes on the electronic voting devices.

Chris had three Gilded Chris awards waiting on the podium. "Before we begin I just want to mention that you guys are already down a member. Dave got eaten by sharks, and I'm pretty sure that's the end of him." He grinned sadistically. "Man, _two_ deaths in a row! I can feel the ratings already."

"Wait, if Dave's dead, then why do we need to cast a vote?" Sky said.

"Well," Chris began. "The Total Drama fans _looooove _non-elimination episodes, and if we're down to only eight contestants tomorrow, there will be plenty of room for the coveted non-elimination episodes. Plus, having two double eliminations in a row _must _be good for ratings. So, Sky and Mike, you're safe." He tossed them their Gilded Chris awards, then held up the final one.

Sugar gave Gwen a cocky smirk. Gwen rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I don't even care if I'm going home tonight," Gwen said. "I've been on this show _waaay _too long."

"Well, you're gonna have to stay longer, because you're safe." Chris threw a Gilded Chris at Gwen. "Sugar, time to go."

Sugar jumped out of her seat. "What? Are you kidding me? Thanks to that red button I'm the strongest player, now."

Chef grabbed Sugar and dragged her away.

At the edge of the cliff, Owen's butt awaited.

"This is so unfair," Sugar said. "I pushed that button for no reason? Come on, I can't go home. I just can't."

"Sorry, Sugar," Owen said. "At least we can still be friends when this is all over, right?"

Sugar clenched her fists together. "Oh, shut up, Owen!"

Chef jammed Sugar into Owen's butt crack, then smacked Owen's butt. "Ready, aim, fire!" Chef said.

Owen turned around, pointing his butt over the cliff, and let it rip. Sugar was blasted far off into the night sky in a trail of green fart smoke.

"And there you have it. Another day, another fart," Chris said, facing the camera. "What's going to happen next time? Only one way to find out: Keep watching as we unveil even more total drama right here on Revenge of the Film Set."


	5. The Aftermath I

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 5: The Aftermath I**

* * *

The Total Drama Aftermath theme song played before fading to the couch where Geoff and Bridgette sat in front of a live studio audience.

"Welcome to the Total Drama Aftermath, everybody," Geoff said.

"It is _sooooo_ great to be back," Bridgette said.

"Man, it's been, what? Six seasons since the last aftermath episode?"

"Um, that would be a continuity error, Geoff," Bridgette said. "It's been two seasons since the last Aftermath. Anyway, I'm Bridgette."

"And I'm Geoff."

"And we're here for another totally dramatic episode of the Total Drama Aftermath show!"

"And, introducing the peanut gallery, it's-" Bridgette held her arm out toward an empty peanut gallery on her left. "Oh, um... Introducing the peanut gallery on the..." The benches on the other side of the room were empty, as well.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you," Geoff said. "Apparently there is no peanut gallery this time around. Chris said that the underdog contestants are bad for ratings."

"Oh, well... I guess it's just you, me, and our guests tonight, huh, Geoff?"

"Yep, and man, six contestants were eliminated in just four episodes," Geoff said, crossing his legs and leaning back against the chair, relaxed. "That must be a new record."

Bridgette's eyebrows turned up in a devastated expression. "Yeah, and I can't believe only two of them can show up tonight. Dave and Heather were eaten alive, Courtney's a monster-"

"Wasn't she always?" Geoff said with a chuckle.

"Not funny, Geoff," Bridgette said. "And Scott's still in the hospital since he was fired into a plane by Owen's butt."

"Bummer, dudes..." Geoff said. "Oh well, we still have Shawn and Sugar, so let's bring 'em out here!"

Shawn and Sugar walked on stage as the crowd cheered, and took their seats. Sugar was plump as she'd ever been, like her body never even changed in the previous episode.

"Sugar, you look..." Geoff scratched his head in confusion. "Um... what happened to your more muscular, physically fit self?"

Sugar gave a dismissive hand wave. "Oh, that? Well, it just felt weird to not have any junk in my trunk. I was sick of being an ugly bean pole like blondie over here-" She pointed her thumb in Bridgette's direction, inviting an angry glare from the surfer girl. "-and, since I'm no longer in the competition, I don't need to be all muscly or anything. So, I just hit the reset button in my head again, and poof! I instantly went back to my curvaceous bombshell self."

"Okaaaay... well, anyway," Bridgette continued. "Shawn, you must've been devastated after Jasmine broke up with you."

Shawn slumped in his chair. "Oh, man, do we really need to talk about this? I just want to hide in a zombie bunker all day."

"Well, how did it feel to be the first booted out after making it so far last season?" Geoff said.

Shawn shrugged. "It's whatever, you know? It couldn't have hurt worse than Jasmine's breakup."

"Especially since you went totally bananas!" Sugar said, kicking her feet as she laughed. She smacked him hard on the back. "You were running around like a chicken with its head bitten off. I ain't never seen anything crazier than that."

Shawn gave a long sigh and slumped even lower in the couch.

"Hmmm... maybe we should take a quick break before prodding Shawn any further," Bridgette suggested.

"Alright, I guess it's time for: That's Gonna Leave a Mark," Geoff said.

Several clips of contestants getting hurt played before the screen that hovered over the studio, accompanied by laugh tracks that didn't make the clips any funnier in the slightest. A large majority of the segment only showed clips of the male characters getting hit in the "kiwis", as well.

After the clips played, Geoff, Bridgette, Sugar and Shawn continued to talk about absolutely nothing for the rest of the episode. Nothing significant happened, and even for an eleven-minute episode it still dragged on endlessly with pointless dialogue. In the true fashion of a filler episode, nothing new or truly interesting was revealed about any of the characters, and the episode ended as one of the most forgettable episodes in the history of the Total Drama series.


	6. Christopia

**Total Drama: Revenge of the Film Set**

**Episode 6: Christopia**

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Gwen, Mike, Sky

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Duncan, Jasmine, Max, Owen, Zoey

**Previously Eliminated: **Shawn, Scott, Heather, Courtney, Dave, Sugar

* * *

Keith stood in front of the camera and said, "Welcome back to Total Drama! We took a bit of a hiatus because we know that fans _love _to wait months between episodes. Now, let's check up on our contestants, shall we?"

The eight remaining contestants awoke inside a dark, cold mine shaft, lit only by a few lanterns lining the interior. They were all wearing Chris MacLean's signature outfit.

Gwen grunted as she rubbed her head. "Ow, what happened?"

A screen lowered from the ceiling, displaying Chris MacLean. "Good morning, slaves," Chris said. A large, jeweled crown rested upon his head.

"Um, _excuse me_?" Jasmine said.

Chris ignored the unfortunate implications and continued, "Yes, today's challenge is based on Dystopian movies. You are all owned by me, King Chris, and are slaves to the kingdom of Christopia. As you can see, you are all required to wear the same clothes as your lord and master. Currently, you're job is to mine for gold so you can build a gold statue of yours truly. Aaaand I have robot guards all over the place to make sure you can't escape. But maybe, just maybe, one of you can sneak past the guards and break into my castle so you can overthrow me. Whoever gets this crown off my head first wins for their team."

* * *

**Gwen's Confessional:**

Gwen rolled her eyes. "_Of course_ Chris would use this challenge to live out his lifelong dream. Christopia? Yep, the dream of a true narcissist."

* * *

**Max's Confessional: **

"Chris can live out his make-believe Christopia fantasy all he wants, but once I win the million dollars by eliminating _everyone _with my _eeeeviiil _strategy, I shall rule the world! And unlike Christopia, Maxtopia shall be _real_." He threw his head back and gave a booming, maniacal laugh.

* * *

"Also," Chris said. "Just to add even _more _drama, we're doing another team swap. Sky, you're now on the Grips, and Jasmine, you're a Gaffer again."

**The Screaming Gaffers 2.0:** Gwen, Jasmine, Mike,

**The Killer Grips 2.0: **Duncan, Max, Owen, Sky Zoey

Several metal orbs started flying toward the contestants. "And you better watch out," Chris added. "Those robot guards will be watching your every move."

"Pick up your pickaxes, slaves," one of the robots said. "Obey. Obey!"

"Zoey Zoey!" Mike said, using his superhuman abilities to throw a pickaxe like a boomerang. His ax spun through the air, destroying every last robot with just one throw, and then the ax came back to him, allowing him to catch it in his hand.

"Alright, go Zoey!" Owen cheered before farting.

He nodded confidently at Zoey.

Zoey's eyes were bloodshot, her hair messed up as she held a Mike puppet up in her hand. She sang the tune of "rockabye baby", replacing every word with Mike's name, in a creepy, whispery voice, like she had gone insane.

"_Mike Mike Mike Mikey,_

_Mike Mike Mike Mike_

_Mike Mike Mike Miike, Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike," _Zoey sang.

Mike gave Jasmine a confused look.

"You never noticed that she had a Mike puppet?" Jasmine said. "She's had that thing since Revenge of the Island, but she only talked to it when you weren't around."

Mike gasped. "Zoey Zoey Zoey..."

Jasmine tapped her chin. "Huh. You're right; now that she's not on your team anymore, you may as well not be around. Poor girl needs that Mike puppet just to feel safe without you."

Zoey was too busy making out with the Mike puppet to hear any of this.

"Alright, time to dethrone King Chris," Duncan said, running down the mine shaft.

* * *

**Gwen's Confessional:**

"Okay, is it just me, or is Zoey _reeeeaaally _obsessed with Mike?"

* * *

Gwen, Jasmine and Mike walked down one end of the mine shaft. Luckily, Mike had a flashlight in his pocket, so thanks to him, his team could see.

"Wow, nice job, Mike!" Jasmine said. "You're so resourceful and perfect. No wonder you're a fan favorite!"

Mike, being the humble and perfect character he is, just shrugged nonchalantly.

"So, Gwen," Jasmine began, awkwardly rubbing the back of her head. "You and Duncan are over, right?"

Gwen cocked her eyebrow. "Why do you care?"

Jasmine shrugged. "Just wondering."

Gwen sighed. "Well, Courtney's jerkitude made me realize I should've stuck with Duncan. In fact, Courtney's name should be _Courtmean_, although Courtneyzoid works, too."

"Did you two get back together?" Jasmine gave a wide, nervous smile, laughing nervously.

"Wait, do you like Duncan, too?" Gwen said, pointing at Jasmine accusingly.

"I thought every girl on this show liked Duncan?" Jasmine said.

"Well hands off, he's mine!"

"Not unless I claim him first!" Jasmine said.

"We'll just see about that." Gwen ran down the mine shaft, calling for Duncan. "Oh Duncaaaan!"

"I shall have the Duncan!" Jasmine chased after Gwen and kicked her feet out, tripping Gwen. Gwen flew out of a conveniently placed window and fell two stories into a tub of toxic waste.

"What's with the toxic waste?" Jasmine said.

Chris' voice came out of a set of speakers on the ceiling. "The Total Drama fans LOVE to see contestants get turned into feral monsters and mutants. They LOVE it! So, I decided to put toxic waste everywhere in hopes that somebody will go bald and then get mutated from the radiation. YOU KNOW, FOR THE FANS!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Owen was farting and as he put his arm around Zoey. Zoey's hair was even more messed up than before, and her eyes were bloodshot with dark circles around them. "Come on, Zoey," Owen said. "Sure you and Mike aren't on the same team, but at least you're on a team with your friends, right? Unless you don't think I'm your friend…" Owen farted nervously.

Zoey glanced over at him, then dropped to her hands and knees. She curled up into a fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth. "MIIIIIIKE!" she cried out.

* * *

**Owen's Confessional:**

"Man, I really need to find some baked beans for poor Zoey. Whenever I'm feeling down, I just rip out a huge fart, and then I feel better."

* * *

Gwen crawled out of the tub of toxic waste. She was bald and glowing green. "Oh no…" Gwen said. "Why must girls who want to steal my Duncan from me ruin my life? First Courtney, and now Jasmine! Gosh, why can't I just date my Duncan in peace?" Finally, her body expanded and morphed into a walrus, tusks and all. It was over. Gwen couldn't even talk anymore. She had gone full walrus.

Chris was sitting in his throne, watching the footage on the TV. He spat out the lemonade he was drinking and burst out laughing. "Now THAT is what I call 'great for ratings!'" He then pointed to the camera. "You like that, Total Drama fans? Man, that is _awesome! _It's a good thing Gwen doesn't have any fans left since she's a _super evil _person who deserves to die! I mean, throughout her Total Drama career she broke up with Trent, stole Duncan from Courtney, broke up with Duncan, then hurt _poor Courtney's feelings _by refusing to be her friend and getting _poooor Courtney _eliminated, and then she tried to get back with Duncan _again_. Man, Gwen is a _vile and disgusting _person, isn't she? Yep, she _deserves _what came to her, and I'm sure all the Total Drama fans are happy that this is how Gwen's story will end: That she turned into a walrus."

* * *

Chris' voice came over the speakers again. "Attention contestants: Gwen fell in some radioactive goo and turned into a walrus. We're gonna sell her to a circus freakshow, so it looks like Gwen is out of the game. Screaming Gaffers 2.0, you are now down _another _member. But, the show must go on, and the losing team will _still _eliminate someone tonight."

Duncan and Jasmine were walking together as they overheard this. "Huh," Duncan said. "Well, that sucks. Oh well, too bad I'm a totally cool and awesome badass! I'm so cool and badass that I don't even care what happens to Gwen. I've moved on from pasty to…" He winked at Jasmine. "Hot chocolate." He reached over and smacked Jasmine's butt, then leaned in for a kiss.

Jasmine blushed and kissed him back. Duncan squeezed Jasmine's butt harder.

* * *

**Duncan's Confessional: **

"Man, I _love _this show! I get to be a total player with no consequences whatsoever. And no matter what, Total Drama always treats me like the guy you want to root for. Yeah, go me! Duncan rocks!"

* * *

Sky ran after Mike and said, "Great, now we're a two-person team. This is awful."

Mike shrugged. "Zoey Zoey, Zoey?"

"Yeah, you're right." Sky looked around, tapping on her chin. "Is it just me, or do all of these corridors look the same? How are we ever getting out of this mine?"

"Zoey! Zoey!" Mike pointed to a conveniently placed door and kicked it open. Chris was sitting in his throne, waiting.

"Well, well, well," Chris said. "Looks like someone came here to win the challenge."

"Zoey ZOEY!" Mike screamed as he ran toward Chris.

* * *

Meanwhile, Max threw a rock at a robot guard, disabling it and causing it to crash to the ground. He clapped his hands together and giggled to himself. "Excellent." He pulled a conveniently placed screwdriver from his pocket and got to work on the robot guard. "This shall be an excellent way to use my _eeeeevil _mastermind self against the cretins on this show. Today, Total Drama. Tomorrow, the world!"

* * *

**Max's Confessional: **

"Pfft, I knew my alliance with Owen and Zoey - which I did in fact create despite it never being mentioned before - wouldn't last. Yep, I created an alliance with them but I was really deceiving them. Tonight, one of them goes home. It's all a part of my strategy!" He threw his head back and gave a maniacal laugh. "Also, being in a relationship with Scarlett last season taught me a thing or two about the dumb nerdy stuff she was always occupied with. I shall now turn that robot slave into _my _robot minion, and with it, I shall rue the day! Yes, YES! My complex and amazing strategy will finally come to pass, because I. AM. EEEEVIIIIL!"

* * *

Although Chef was firing his meatball cannon at Mike, Mike used his amazing gymnastic abilities to dodge every shot. Chris screamed like a girl as Mike leapt in front of him, and like the total badass, perfect character he is, all he needed to do was blow air at Chris' crown to knock it off his head.

Chris sighed. "Welp, I guess The Great and Powerful Mike won the Dystopian challenge." He pulled out a microphone and announced to the contestants, "Attention everyone. Mike won the challenge… _again_. So, I'll see the Killer Grips 2.0 at the elimination ceremony."

* * *

At the Gilded Chris Ceremony, Chris stood at his podium and said, "Alright, remember. Because Zoey is one of the best Total Drama contestants _ever_, and she's a _huge _fan favorite, she has automatic invincibility until the merge, so I better not see any votes against her. The following players are safe: Zoey, Owen, and Jasmine." He threw the Gilded Chris Awards to all three of them.

Zoey didn't catch her Gilded Chris, however, as she was too busy sewing a Mike doll together. She was silently giggling to herself as she sewed her Mike doll, but she was also twitching constantly. Her eyes were looking even crazier than ever. "Miiiiiiiiiiike…" she said in a low, psychotic voice.

"Max and Duncan," Chris said. "One of you is going home tonight. And the person who is safe iiiis… well, I ignored the votes. As if I'd let a fan favorite like Duncan go home this early in the competition. So, Duncan, here's your reward." He held out a Gilded Chris while Max stood up, his face red with fury.

"WHAT? How can you get rid of I, the most evil contestant in Total Drama history?" Max shouted. "Didn't you see me, Chris? I was creating that robot… I was working on my strategy to rule the game! I would have brought so many ratings for being so _eeeevil_! Why? WHY?"

Chris shrugged. "Actually, the Total Drama fans _don't _like it when contestants use strategy. See, over the past few years, Total Drama's target audience has lowered in age. Because we're trying to target younger viewers, we realized that when people use actual strategy, it's too much for our target audience's delicate little minds. So, we're gonna have to get rid of you, Max. You were becoming _waaaay _too interesting of a character."

"How dare you!" Max shouted. "I shall have my revenge!"

"Sorry, continuity is also bad for ratings," Chris said. "I'm afraid you shan't have revenge."

Chef grabbed Max by the collar and dragged him away.

"Owen, we need you to do the Fart of Shame."

The scene cut to the hill, where Owen bent over with his butt in the air. Chef jammed Max face-first deep into Owen's anus. Owen clenched his fist and strained his face, pushing hard until he finally ripped out a huge fart that sent Max flying into the air.

* * *

Meanwhile, as Duncan headed back to his trailer, someone poked him on the shoulder.

"Duncan, it's me," Sky said as Duncan turned around.

"Oh, 'sup babe?"

Sky rubbed her arm nervously. "I know you've been working Jasmine, but I just want to make sure: You still love me, right?"

Duncan wrapped his arms around her and smacked her butt. "Don't worry, Sky. _We're _the true couple in this game. I'm just distracting Jasmine by flirting with her, and then, when the time is right, and when she least expects it, I will get her eliminated. I love you Sky, I only want to be with you."

"That's all I needed to hear." Sky leaned over and kissed him, and then turned around to go back to the girls' trailer. "Good night."

Duncan turned around so Sky couldn't see that he was grinning deviously. "Yeah. Good night." His evil grin spread wider.


End file.
